A Message from My Expanding Capillaries

        Walking outside one day after dinner, we encountered a field covered with dandelions next to my sister's school. Of course, how could we resist the temptation to run across it? So that's what we did, all three of us, Jocelyn, Sherry and me, running, kicking, jumping as we went, trailing behind Dad. It was the first time I'd gone beyond a walking pace in the past 3 months and it was exhilarating. However, as the field came to an end and we started to head home, my legs began to itch. By the time we were at our front door, the itch became so intense it felt as though my legs were covered in mosquito bites. Out of desperation, I sped into the house and jumped into a cold shower. Although never quite so intense, itchy thighs when running are all but too familiar to me, they're due to expanding arteries and capillaries after one's stayed sedentary for too long. In other words: it's time to exercise!

        By now, it's probably been the 200th time I've encountered that thought. The longest I've been able to keep up exercising was 3 months, and it was for a school assignment where the teacher kept me accountable. All in all, my exercise regime has been a total failure. But as I took a closer look at my life I realized it wasn't just exercise, it was true for everything that was non-academic, non-resume-building-extra-curricular-related. I have not finished a single Chinese book throughout my last 4 years in Canada. My plan to read an English book a week, became a book a month, which became a hiatus of nearly 12 months following that. There's a layer of dust on my violin, I play the piano about once every month, and no matter how much I claim to love art I have been unable to keep up with everyday drawing practice. I also haven't touched my bible in the past 2 months. It wasn't just exercise, there was a fundamental issue that was affecting all aspects of my life.

        I've always admired people who are steadfast in their faith. People who are so rooted, peaceful, and filled with joy by God. If nothing else, that's what I want to be when I grow up. Somehow, I just couldn't connect the dots, I didn't know what separated me from where I wanted to be. What was the fundamental difference between them and me? Laziness? Yes, but not quite. I finally got my answer after that dandelion run, it was discipline or lack thereof that was at the core of the issue. I have no self-discipline. I follow my emotions and feelings. The problem with that is laziness is human nature, it makes up our bones, pulses through our veins. Following my feelings is just allowing my laziness to build. Before the exam it's "study time", after the exam it's "relax time", a period that lasts indefinitely. During these periods I let myself off the hook, I permit myself to not exercise, to not read the bible, to forget about any and every long-term goal in my life. Self-discipline is hard, but like most things in life, hard does not mean it's bad or a punishment, rather the opposite! Self-discipline is our best friend, it is what gives us the chance to accomplish all that is important to us.